No Clarity of Thought or Mind, but . . .

Hell, at least I am past the one month off cigarettes marker.

Enough about that though.


Well at least as the main course. Let me see if I can integrate that in one of my stream of conscious blater prather 'hell if I know where I am going with this' postings.

I have been getting deeper in touch with my feelings; I guess that is a good thing, but for the fact that people really don't care about that stuff; my stuff at least.

Usually, however, I am having a decent enough time being alive. Ya, my job is mostly boring but sometimes it can be entertaining. Marginally sometimes. I am feeling healthier on account of that whole not killing myself thing. Ya is good that. However I can get angry and depressed about things I have no control over.

Hmm funny that. I took control (with the help of the patch) of something that was biologically depressing myself (yea for getting a grip on that), but things I have no control over anger and depress me?

I think there is some relation to the helplessness I feel about the rest of the world, and feeling shitty about all of that.

Anyway, YES, I did dovetail it, and YES, I did not plan it, and YES, to-night I need niceness if not love to feel much of any better than I do right now.

I don't feel crushingly oppressed, but I feel mostly disconnected.


Guess it is an ordinary day, afterall.