Thursday, August 27, 2015
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Still Not Dead Yet.
she who broke my heart. She who friendzoned me and dumped if not me (spare me the semantics) at least chose the attentions of another, over me. (I had to change love to attentions, as I am fairly damn sure he doesn't love her. I am sure he is a narcissist and is treating her like a trophy, and a favorite lay -- meaning I am sure the fucker is cheating on her. Fucking narcissist!)
I actually wish I could hate her. I wish I could take the intensity with which I loved her once, and turn that into an inferno of despite and contempt equal and opposite in scope and energy. But I can't. Manly on account of two reason. One. I actually did love her that well. Nobody loves selflessly. Love has a selfish component built in. And still, I did love her well enough that I accepted her rejection rather quickly, even if not quietly. And the other reason is I know her history, her mind, and the damage of her formative years well enough to know pretty damn well why she is who she is, and why she kicked me to the curb. Ya. I don't look or act like her narcissistic and evil father. I don't remind her of him one tiny bit. So I am out of there. Never had a chance. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
And yes, I have to 'worst case scenario' the thing because hope is hopeless here. Whether or not she really had feelings for me, is so not the point. The point is I have take it as the only truth she never did. That way I can stay more than not focused on the need to believe I never want to see her again, and never want closure. That would be the worst of all fucking options, to have one of those shitty assed closure conversations. It is actually better to just assume I meant nothing to her and never will again, than have to put up with the bullshit. And by that I mean some, "Gee I'm sorry you took it so badly, I did not mean to hurt you," condescending, toxic bullshit.
"Of course I took that shit personally. You chose someone else over me. I don't give a fuck about the why. I don't want to hear how you can't help who you fell for or feel for. I am a god damned adult. I know fucking full and well that all that 'love is magic' infantile bullshit is nothing more than infantile bullshit."
I will stop here. It has been a year since I had any contact with her. And like I say above, I need to believe that I never want to see her again. Intellectually I know that is what I need. And for the most part, I believe that in my heart as well. Venting ending!
Saturday, January 03, 2015
I'm Not Dead Yet!
Just haven't been feeling the whole, blog thing, for a while. So here goes a quickie.
Isn't it disturbingly humorous how it is, lately, some big talking point for the racist wing nuts to bitch and moan about Al Sharpton's back taxes?
Takes a certain kind of hypocrisy to condemn your political rivals for doing something you cheer your team members for doing, and in this case, trying to get away with out paying their taxes.
I wonder how many of the hypocrite wing nuts repeating the Sharpton tax talking points cheered on that asshole who clearly, beyond any reasonable doubt, owes the Fed Gvt a shit load of money for his un paid grazing fees?
I am not a fan of Sharpton. But I am an attorney who has taken tax law courses. As my professor used to say in his stand up comedy style sometimes when one of those tricky points of tax law was at issue:
"Now is the time we all rise as one and say, it depends."
Cause tax law is like that. I am sure The Right Reverend Sharpton owes. But on the one hand they don't throw your ass in jail lickity split for that. And another thing, the talking point lumps in back taxes for some company he ran/runs, is/was associated with. That is artificially inflating the arrearages. And the comparisons to Al Capone, Leona Helmsey,, and even Martha Stewart are all false. Martha wend down for a securities rap anyway! That is how scumbaggy these wing nuts get. They just make up shit, on top of their hypocrisy.
No wonder I took a break from political blogging. Sure my head was in other things but ya know? This never seems to get better. And those lying hypocrites just get worse and worse.
Friday, August 08, 2014
Even More On The Dread. Awful Friend Zone.
"Your're a fun guy, good company, and I like hanging out with you. But you want more than I am willing to give. So we need to end this right now. Best of luck finding what you want in life."
And the immature, not sensible and insensitive way:
"Aww let's just be friends."
I am throwing this up here as yesterday I read one writer's argument that friend zoning was merely setting a boundary.
I am a big fan of boundaries, I think boundary setting is one of the most important elements of maintaining healthy relationships. And I can see why, in theory, someone might think and or argue that friend zoning is merely setting a boundary. But in practice it still results in an ongoing state of partial rejection, that is likely to end badly if not go full on toxic.
So ladies, and men too (but it usually works ladies to men). Please set healthy boundaries. And when I say that I mean do not set unhealthy boundaries, like trying to find the middle ground in an unrequited love situation. Realize that once the desire part is out there, then that is the most important part of the now doomed relationship. Not whether or not you want to continue to enjoy the good company of the person who desires you who you do not think of in near enough the same way. That is where shit gets fucked up. Trying to get someone to betray and deny their feelings, so you can enjoy their company without having to feel uncomfortable because your feelings do not match their feelings? That shit is at minimum manipulative.
Don't do it. Set that boundary where is should be. Farther out there. Like at the Just Acquaintances Ring. Not any where near the Just Friends Ring.
More On The Dread, Awful Friend Zone.
It is not a matter of all people who complain about the friend zone being just fake “nice guys” who really just want sex, only. Sure, some guys are just looking to get laid. But investing months or years in “faking” friendship to maybe get a mercy fuck is not too many times done, I would have to guess. (Going to the bar week after week and trying the same lame pick up line till it works has a higher degree of likelihood of success, I would have to guess.)
Or that all (particularly women) who want to be just friends are either delaying (as opposed to avoiding) conflict/hurt feelings, or are deliberately trying to get the emotional milk without having to buy the vulnerable, loving relationship cow (I know. I have just spun that line about milk and cows into new territory. Yea me!) I am sure some (mostly women) actually act under the misguided delusion that once unrequited love is on the table, it can be easily removed, and replaced with some other item, like being buddies. And I hate to quote Harry from “When Harry Met Sally,” as that movie perpetrates the lie that it is all about the sex. But Harry was onto something when he said, once it is out there it is out there.
So what am I driving at? This nonsense; the idea that one or the other doesn’t want to risk ruining the friendship. Guess what? Once it is out there, it is out there.
I am not saying people cannot change their feelings. But expecting both people to “Get on the same page,” by the one who is more committed to the other changing their feelings? That is magical thinking. And it is manipulative. And there is this rather baseless assumption out there that it is more incumbent on the doomed one to change their feelings than for the rejector to change theirs.
Not that I am saying in any way, shape, or form, the rejector has a greater duty to change their feelings.
What I am saying is this. Neither person should have to change their feelings.
Let me say again. Neither person should have to change their feelings. But at this point, the relationship is quite fucked. There is no saving it. Have a Relationship Doctor pronounce it dead, and properly dispose of the remains of it.
Here is the sad truth, and why the friend zone is toxic, and produces doomed, dysfunctional relationships. If you do not do what I just said there, and recognize the relationship is dead. If you proceed as is usually the case, with the rejected one having to suck it up, and deny their true feelings, you are setting up for friendship failure. One person is either going to get their heart broken. And that is no fun, I can attest to that. Or it could lead to bad feelings on one, or the other, or both sides. Or one, or the other, or both stop investing in the friendship, and it withers and dies like a neglected houseplant. Or one, or the other, or both, around the same time, down the road, decide this shit is not worth the bother, and make a clean break of it.
A happy ending is not mathematically likely. So like I say in the de motivational poster:
Stop Friend Zoning. Friend Zoning is toxic, manipulative, controlling, and in the end, abusive. Don’t do it!
Tuesday, August 05, 2014
Stop Friend Zoning!
Opps, I forgot selfish.
And yes, I was going for a specific visual metaphor there. The "hobbling" scene from Misery is a great visual representation of the exertion of manipulative control of one human over another. That is why friend zoning is so toxic.
Sure. Every woman or man has the right to decide who they want to get romantic with. But no one has the right to hobble.
You can't build or maintain a healthy relationship where relative power in the relationship is that far out of balance, and one person exerts that much power over the other.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
How do you
tell your ex friend that her new boyfriend is obviously a narcissistic, sexual predator?
You don't. You just keep your distance, and let them work it out for themselves.
Heartbreaking thought that might be. You are not communicating any more so there is nothing to be done or said about it.