STOP THE PRESSES!!! BUSH Admin Admits Fault and Takes Responsibility
Lampoon News Network Dateline Sept. 13, 2005
BUSH Admin Admits Fault and Takes Responsibility.
The Nation is STUNNED!
In the greatest suprise announcement since DNA testing by a triple blind study proved that Ann Coulter is in fact a woman, today President Bush admitted his Administration made errors in the handling of Disaster relief following the disaster in New Orleans following the flooding.
Fox News anchors sat dumb in their chairs. Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a local Hospital Emergency Room (not for an overdose.) During his radio show, Sean Hannity, at a loss for words, instead read directly from his latest book, just to fill up air time. Loud honking sobbing punctuated his performance.
Unconfirmed reports have Michael Savage on a bender, last having been reported in a Lesbian Biker Bar in San Berdino,and, according to the report, drinking Mai Tais, and begging the bar's regular patrons to,"Have their way with him."
On the other end of the poltical spectrum, Staffers of the New York Times were reported to be dancing in the streets of Times Square. According to one observer,"At first I thought it was a remake of that movie FAME. But as I looked closer, I saw no cameras, many of the dancers were way too old for High School kids, and most of them did not have any rhythm. Hell, it looked like my cousin Edna's wedding, last spring."
Uptown, at CBS News' West 57th Street Broadcast Center, staffers blocked traffic in both directions by blocking the street with news vans, mounting speakers to the tops of the vans' telescopic masts, and boogied-down to Kool and the Gangs' "Celebrate."
The dancing was reported to be much better than that of their print journalism counterparts from The Times.
In a perhaps related story, Juan Mota, of Hackensack NJ, reported that while playing his original copy of Ozzie Osborne's vinyl album, "Blizzard of Ozz" backwards, he heard the following message:
"This is Lucifer. Hell has frozen over. Send blankets now. And some Little Debbie Snak cakes."
Lastly, the following press release from George Clinton.
THE MOTHERSHIP HAS FINALLY LANDED. Me and the Atomic Dog are gett'n the FUNK outta here. Peace, out.
(just having some fun here.)
BUSH Admin Admits Fault and Takes Responsibility.
The Nation is STUNNED!
In the greatest suprise announcement since DNA testing by a triple blind study proved that Ann Coulter is in fact a woman, today President Bush admitted his Administration made errors in the handling of Disaster relief following the disaster in New Orleans following the flooding.
Fox News anchors sat dumb in their chairs. Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a local Hospital Emergency Room (not for an overdose.) During his radio show, Sean Hannity, at a loss for words, instead read directly from his latest book, just to fill up air time. Loud honking sobbing punctuated his performance.
Unconfirmed reports have Michael Savage on a bender, last having been reported in a Lesbian Biker Bar in San Berdino,and, according to the report, drinking Mai Tais, and begging the bar's regular patrons to,"Have their way with him."
On the other end of the poltical spectrum, Staffers of the New York Times were reported to be dancing in the streets of Times Square. According to one observer,"At first I thought it was a remake of that movie FAME. But as I looked closer, I saw no cameras, many of the dancers were way too old for High School kids, and most of them did not have any rhythm. Hell, it looked like my cousin Edna's wedding, last spring."
Uptown, at CBS News' West 57th Street Broadcast Center, staffers blocked traffic in both directions by blocking the street with news vans, mounting speakers to the tops of the vans' telescopic masts, and boogied-down to Kool and the Gangs' "Celebrate."
The dancing was reported to be much better than that of their print journalism counterparts from The Times.
In a perhaps related story, Juan Mota, of Hackensack NJ, reported that while playing his original copy of Ozzie Osborne's vinyl album, "Blizzard of Ozz" backwards, he heard the following message:
"This is Lucifer. Hell has frozen over. Send blankets now. And some Little Debbie Snak cakes."
Lastly, the following press release from George Clinton.
THE MOTHERSHIP HAS FINALLY LANDED. Me and the Atomic Dog are gett'n the FUNK outta here. Peace, out.
(just having some fun here.)
posted by Abstentus at 8:41 PM
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