Dontcha just HATE people like that?

(Follow up from the previous post. This is a JOKE, originally -- far as I know -- from the commedian Emo Phillips and the original form of it goes back to 1984 or so. OH and I used the "H" word in the title, there but don't judge me. I am talking about the lesson of the joke, not agreeing with the narrator of the joke. Hmm kay?)



I was walking across a bridge recently.

I spied this guy who looked like he was ready to jump off. So, I thought I'd try to stall him until the authorities showed up (or at least until I had time to put film in my camera).

"Don't jump!" I said.

"Why not?" he said.

"Nobody loves me."

"God loves you," I said.

"You believe in God, don't you?"

"Yes, I believe in God," he said.

"Good," I said. "Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Protestant or Catholic?"

"Protestant," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "What kind of Protestant?"

"Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Independent Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

"Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "New Evangelical/Moderate Independent Baptist or Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist or Lose-Your-Salvation Arminian Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Historical Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR For Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Strict Separation of Church and State Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Anti-Disney Boycott Pro-Choice Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Me, too!" I said. "KJV Only Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist OR Modern Versions Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist?"

"MODERN VERSIONS Pro-Disney Boycott Pro-Life Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women in Ministry Dispensational Premillennial Calvinistic Conservative Independent Baptist," he said.

"Auugghh!!! You heretic!" I said. And I pushed him over.

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NOTE!

I am not personally picking on Baptists here. The original version of the joke dealt with Lutherans, and was only about a quarter(?) as long, as there are only so many divisions of the Lutheran Church (That form of Protestantism is more hierachal than Baptists who seem to have so many more particular 'dividing lines.') The pre punch (or should I say PUSH) line in the original had to do with the difference between Missouri Synod and Evangelical Lutheran Church (or some such thing. I am no expert.)

The longer version of the joke seems funnier to me as it so well demonstrates the lunacy of putting that much import into iddity biddy biddy petty differences.

That is the meaing of the joke. And my shorter version of such a joke (see last post) made the petty point about which flavor of Crest Toothpaste is best. Same lunacy in my mind; it is only a different petty difference that is the twist of the joke.



EDIT TO ADD:

Thought occured to me that I ought to make double-sure I am crystal clear here -- that bigotry is VIOLENTLY standing up for one's own beliefs or VIOLENTLY railing against others' beliefs (two sides of same coin).

Don't take my use of the word violent as a restrictive there. Violent does not always mean physically violent. Merely saying people should die on account of not believing the same shit you do is violent opposition to . . . opposing points of view.

Savvy?