Saturday, July 05, 2008

Things I Have Learned on Account of the Event of the Death of Jesse Helms.

(From Jesse Helms' apologists, I should say)

(1) It is no longer necessary for someone with a well-documented, decades old history of bigotry, racism, intolerance, and hate to confess and apologize. All you got to to to clean up your record as a hate monger and as an odious oppressive shit, is deny it.

(2) Never mind the actual quotes from Jesse Helms like:

White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories?


"No intelligent Negro citizen should be insulted by a reference to this very plain fact of life. It is time to face honestly and sincerely the purely scientific statistical evidence of natural racial distinction in group intellect. ... There is no bigotry either implicit or intended in such a realistic confrontation with the facts of life."

show that he clearly believed in the inferiority of blacks, and that that hateful, bigoted racist view was at the core of his opposition to desegregation. We can instead couch it in terms that it wasn't the idea of having to be fair to the nig-rahs that upset him, but it was the Federals forcing people (under authority of, and in order to enforce the mandates of several Sections and Amendments to the Constitution of the United States, the Supreme Law of the Land) to be fair to the nig-rahs.

(Just between you and me, that warped logic makes as much sense as saying the Civil War was not about the right to keep the institution of slavery legal, but instead was about the right to claim a right that would allow states the keep the institution of slavery legal.)

Moving on:

(3) it was not more than four hundred years of institutional white on black racism, starting in the year 1620, when the first boatload of African slaves were brought to and sold into bondage in Virgina, that is the cause of racial unrest and resentment. Instead, it was forced integration (busing) in the 1960s. Never mind the asinine dimensions of this rhetorical fallacy, such as it's blame the remedy, not the wrong doer, inversion. Never mind that if the white people in those communities were behaving right and decently to begin with, instead of discriminating in housing and schooling and everything else they could get away with, there never would have been a need to have to sue to to force desegregation, in the first place. Never mind the inherent racism in believing (as that argument infers) racial unrest only counts when it is the white people feeling oppressed. Oh, and before I end this bit, even if everyone affected by busing was not transformed into a better person for it, there is no credible evidence that it was even 1/2 bad, leave alone mostly. Sorry, but show me the math, don't expect me to universalize your cousin Trudy's experience to the whole of the thing.

And lastly let me say (4) sticking to your guns (even if the guns in question are the guns of hate, bigotry and racism) is an admirable quality.

Yes, to be accurate, I am being very sarcastic. I just can not stomach it (well, to be honest, find it hard to stomach), that some people (including the White House) are saying this dead piece of shit deserves the label 'patriot.'

Since I really really do not really believe in Hell, let me add to my "special place in Hell" fantasy for Jesse Helms, with something more spicy.

Actually no. I had several ideas there in my head, but I am going to aim higher than the gutter, this time (not too high, but still I am not going for the cheap shot.)

Imagine Jesse Helms standing before the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter stops him and asks him for his name.

He says ,"Jesse Helms. I was/I am a God fearin' Christian man."

St. Peter replies,"We'll be the judge of that. Wait here."

St. Peter disappears, for a few moments, and re appears, this time with an angel driving a tractor trailer.

Jesse asks, "What's with the truck?"

St. Peter answers,"Well we were expecting you, as you could guess. That is your life's record. Well, that is the part of your record that contains hard-copy files of the life stories of each and every person you debased, dehumanized, and for whom you actions in life, both professionally and personally, harmed, either directly or indirectly."

"That is a lot of files. I harmed that many people?" Jesse gets down on his hands and knees and start blubbering,"Lord forgive me! I am I sinner! I did not mean harm! I thought I was doing right by my people . . ."

St. Peter snaps his fingers, and a loud, thunderous boom roars above Jesse's head, causing him to stop in mid sentence.

"For such an experienced politician, you never did learn that all important first rule. When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Anyway, stop you blubbering for now. NO ONE up here is impressed with that song and dance. And more importantly, you do not yet know the full reason why the truck is here."

Jesse tries to compose himself, and manages a weak,"Why, St. Peter, is that truck here?"

"Well we (meaning the Boss) really try really hard to find a reason to forgive trespasses, ect. And we are really big on giving people the chance to make amends, if they did not have enough time, on earth. So these files are part of your penance."

"You mean I do not get into Heaven . . . " Jesse realizes his mistake and blurts out,"but I get a chance to make amends? Ok good. I still don't know what I am supposed to do."

"First you have to read all the files of all the people who you have harmed. And after you have done that, and after you are truly aware of the harm you have caused to each and every one of them, and what you did to each and every one of their lives, and are truly and knowingly remorseful for the harms you have caused, then, and only then, will you be judged as properly repentant, and allowed to enter Heaven."

"I will do what God requires me to do." Chastised, and daunted by the work he has before him, Jesse, still the politician, tries to play the one card he thinks he has left.

"But one last thing. What about the people who I helped?"

St. Peter shoots Jesse a scolding looks that could cause milk to instantly turn to cheese. "Didn't you hear what I said about holes and stopping digging? But for the record, your account has been adjusted. Like I said, we have been expecting you. Now get to it."

Well it is not the stuff of lakes of fire and brimstone, but I really don't go for that nonsense myself. But as far as appropriate justice goes, what I describe there seems sorta fitting, I think. Granted and I admit freely, that sort of 'redemption' is an idea as old as the hills, I suppose.


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