Sunday, January 15, 2006

My Flaws, Failings, And Short-Comings (not an exhaustive list!)

Well, to any reader who has been keeping up with my progress here (is there any such a one?) I have touched on some of my own short-comings (or admitted peeves, if you prefer.)

Anyway . . . here goes (some):

I am not perfect (that is the easy one!)

I have my sense of pride, and despite a habit of making self-depreciating jokes, I do not like my pride to be used as a target by others.

I do not usually by nature have a bad temper but it is there, lurking beneath the surface. Ordinarily, most people can't "hit the trigger" for engaging anger mode, though. Usually there must be some relationship with trust and connection, before someone can wound me enough for me to expend that much of my energy (or really offend me in some perceived and disfavored way.)

As I said elsewhere, recently:

The difficulty with dealing with people you are very close to is that there is no preventing them from getting under your skin.

They are already there.

Moving on . . . I don't let many people close, as a lifetime general rule. I do not follow the (as I think of it) American Way, which is to my mind blurring the distinction between people one is 'friendly with' and 'friends.' However, when I do consider one a friend, they are deeply held as such. Not to say I can not, do not make mistakes in my friendships. I do. I have. I will in all likelihood do so in the future. However, just because I might not be of a mind to talk with a particular friend on a given day, that does not mean I ever stopped loving them. That only may mean, either I am embarassed, I am still stewing, or I just need a damn break (particularly if thing have got "STRESSFUL.")

Harking back to what I said about anger, the thing about me is I am not an angry person per say. Oh, but baby oh baby, I am an emotional one. My emotions run deep; as deep as the deepest parts of Lake Gitchagumee. And in straining further the reference to Lake Superior, my emotions can blow as fierce as that storm that took down the good ship Edmund Fitzgerald. Not necessarilly, do I say, my emotions are gale force only when upset or such; I love with a gale force wind, also. (Why bother to love if you ain't gonna make it a big deal, I say.)

I can be stubborn.

I can take insult quicky.

I can repeat myself.

I can go on and on and on and on, sometimes.

I can be boring.

I can be sloppy with words, sometimes (that is bad, yes.)

I can be precise with words, sometimes (and sometimes that is worse!)

I can be needy.

I can be lazy.

I can be a LAWYER (said in caps, as to imply the cautious deviousness associated with that profession.)

And I can be impatient.

Shit. I'll stop there for now. I do have some good points too, but I will pass on listing any of them for now. I do sometimes feel less than appreciated in this world, generally by the world or specifically some of the specific people in it. But as a general matter and on most days, I do know I have some value, have done some good in this world so far, and very well will continue to do so in the future.

But like where I started the list, I am well aware I am not perfect, as this partial list demonstrates. And I am never going to try to be perfect, either. I will hope to work on some things, such as are on this list, though.


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